Snakes and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails

I knew this day would come. I have three boys, and I've been dreading it ever since Ben told me about the time he and his brother filled the bathtub with snakes when they were kids. Today it was my turn. The tragedy struck in the backyard. I was inside changing the baby's poop, and I went outside to check on the kids. I rounded the corner, and there was Joey, carrying a dead rat by the tail. A long, black, slimy one. Our conversation went something like this:

Joey: "Look at this dead rat!"
Me: "That's not a dead rat."
Joey: "Yes it is."
(I got closer) Me: "Joey that's a rat! It's a rat! A rat! Drop it! Drop it! Drop it!"
(Joey dropped it): "It's dead."
Me: "I know it's dead! It's a rat! Where did you get a rat?!" (I grabbed his arms so he couldn't touch anything, you know, just in case of the plague or some other terrible rat disease and I marched him inside to scrub him.)
Joey: "It's Shoji's rat. It's just dead."

So we made it up to the bathroom, me crying "It's a rat, oh, you had a rat!" all the way. I scrubbed him, Grace, and me for about five minutes. I called Ben at work and stumbled on and on about the dead rat, and I asked him to come home (well, I think I said something like "I need you to come home now!"). I scrubbed the doors and doorknobs with Lysol while we were waiting for dad. I don't know why - I was about to throw up and it just made me feel better. Ben took care of the thing when he got home, and then told me that he thought his assistants could hear me screaming from the phone. He was certain I was going to tell him one of the kids was covered in blood or something. Well, it was almost that bad. Not quite, but almost.

I spent the rest of the morning explaining to Joey that he was still a good boy, and I love him always, and please do not ever pick up anything dead. I told him that boys like yucky things, but mommies do not. And it's not a good idea to pick up anything dead because it could have diseases, etc....... I think he got the picture.

I can't imagine where a rat came from, and I don't know if Shoji killed it or just found it dead somewhere. Ben said it wasn't stiff, so it hadn't been dead long. He thought it looked like it drowned. He thought maybe it got caught in a puddle or in a bucket or something when the sprinklers were on. I am just gagging every time I think of a rat in my yard! We're civilized people, for crying out loud! We do not live in London in the dark ages! There should not be rats anywhere near here! Gross!