I am a horrible mother. I have exactly 3 pictures of Christmas. And I don't even really remember it.
On December 10, I had back surgery. They opened up my stomach (a 5 1/2 inch vertical incision), moved over my muscles and intestines and whatever else was in the way, and dissected out my blown-to-bits disc between my L5 and S1 vertebrae. Then they put a cadaver bone as a spacer, relieving the smashed nerve ending that enters the spine between those two vertebrae. They then screwed my bones together, and soon (well, in a year or so) those bones and the cadaver part will be one fused section. And yes, it felt about as good as it sounds.
I had back pain immediately after waking from surgery (and I wondered why there were people in my room, because I had just had a weird dream -- something I didn't expect while under anesthesia). But at least I didn't have the excruciating pain some poor soul behind me did. She was screaming and crying. I felt bad, but not that bad.
The first day after surgery was pretty tough, with the horrible back pain that wouldn't go away no matter what I did. The wonderful RN that was assigned to me worked tirelessly to find the right combination of pain meds that would actually have some kind of effect. By the next day, the pain had travelled from my back to my front. I could barely speak above a whisper, and coughing or sneezing was out of the question. But as I found out a couple of days later, shivering was actually the worst pain that I had. And in December up here in the northern country, shivering is not that uncommon. And it really, really hurt.
I was on pain meds for about 6 days after my surgery, until I took myself off of it because I hated the way it made me feel. It took care of the pain, but I slept all day, and was brain dead when I was awake. I could take the pain, but not that. I had nausea for a few days when I stopped the pills, but pretty soon I was feeling much better. I just couldn't (and still can't) twist, bend, or lift anything very heavy. But someday this will all be worth it. Just not yet.
***
All I really remember about Christmas was that I couldn't sit on the floor with the kids to open presents like I usually do. I couldn't sit on the chair, either, so I just paced around while they opened their presents (I wish I could tell you what they got, but I don't remember). I had to pace because I couldn't stand still for several weeks -- that nerve that was no longer compressed between my vertebrae had come alive after a year of compression. That did not feel good -- in fact, that was the worst part about the surgery. It sent electric shocks down the back of my leg, all the way to the bottom of my foot (which is why standing on that foot was not possible -- therefore I paced around constantly, making everybody nervous when having a conversation).
It looks like Matt got a train, Grace got a bucket of crayola fun, and there were some guitars involved.
***
I do faintly remember Grace deciding to try on Joey's suit. She waltzed in to my room wearing the suit, cowboy boots, and a cowboy hat. It was a very interesting choice of attire. It must have been a long day for her, because Ben then caught her sitting at the table in a stupor.
