Memo From Management

I have to do a lot of disgusting chores every day.  But there are just no words to describe the Steward's latest move.  This time, he seems to have collaborated with Grandpa Jerry, who sent him back ready to blow.  After the youngest Union members were brought back from Grandpa Day, and after they had filled their stomachs yet again, I put two of them in the bathtub.  The water had finished filling the tub, and peacefulness followed.  For exactly three minutes.  The next thing I heard was and explosion, followed by "Oh no!" shouted from an alarmed 3-year-old little girl.  I looked over (because I was standing not three feet away) to discover a cloudy mist of diarrhea swarming in one side of the tub.  The Steward had been standing, and shot it all over the place. 

I quickly grabbed Grace, hit the drain, then attempted to save the toys.  I'm out of bleach, so they are currently sitting, waiting to be decontaminated.  That tub was draining while I washed the perpetrator in another bathroom.  Then, after I had dried, creamed, and re-dressed the Steward, I had the worst task in front of me. 

Being a mother quickly desensitizes you to an array of poop.  In fact, before I was a mother, I didn't even know there was an array.  I thought poop was poop.  But all of you mothers and fathers out there know that is just false.  And of all the poop options, bathtub poop is the absolute worst.  That is because it is not only an ordinary revulsion, but it is a warm, soggy dispersion of human waste.  Especially when it's not even in one piece.  Even after emptying the tub of the water, what you have left is just horrifying.  So with my paper towels, plastic baggie, and lysol in hand, I did the task.  I've done it several times with each kid.  They've got it in for me.  I hope I survive.  I'm going to bed now.